Frayed

This poem contains a reference to a song by Big Thief called ‘Simulation Swarm’

Sun shining, sky blue

Hands on the wheel

Humming to tunes 

Mind and engine idling

Lights change 

Along with the song 

Simulation Swarm swamps my system  

With memories of you

The second biggest influence you had was on my Spotify algorithm 

The first felt too big to say out loud

until now

We met, a soul supernova 

A collision of bodies and light

The vibrant heat of our passion 

pillowed my weary heart 

Brief moments of unburdening grief

But Multiple O’s couldn’t swallow 

the big C

I clung to you

While my grandma faded

Her body wasting before my eyes

As our bodies came alive

An ouroboros 

Death comes to all of us

Inevitable and precisely timed.

After she left, 

I couldn’t see 

the writing on the wall 

despite one way lines

in the palm of my hand. 

Sent

unread

no response

A loose end 

fraying 

In the weave of my loss 

My psyche 

Unravelling

I held onto hope

But hope held my heart frozen 

open

Bleeding alone

reaching for ghosts

Not yet ready to let go 

Until now

Sun shining, sky blue

My grief is an even, fine weave, 

a warm comforting cocoon

My mind idles, humming to tunes

I don’t think of you.