Back in February, I wrote was to tell my subscribers that I was pulling back from teaching. It was rather abrupt – I’d just announced that I’d be adding classes to my timetable and a week later I was cancelling them.
It was the start of what turned out to be a four month hibernation, where I hardly checked Facebook or responded to emails and spent a lot of time immersed in real life – working, teaching, coaching, and spending a lot of time alone outside of that. I taught three or four classes a week, very quietly.
What prompted this pulling back, this hibernation? My dear friend Jess passed away at the end of February. Some of you would know Jess as the Wellness Warrior. I spent a fair chunk of my wellness career as her customer care person/VA, as well as coordinating and spending close to a month on the road, travelling all over Australia, as part of the team behind the Wellness Warrior Tour.
Jess was the first person who really inspired me to love myself. I followed Jess’ blog avidly and I was a total fangirl of hers, before I eventually met and started to work for her. It was a dream come true to work as part of her team and an honour to call her a friend.
When she passed away, my heart broke, a wide open wound, messy around the edges. A broken heart is a portal for grief, not just for the dear friend but for all the past sadness I repressed. It’s the place where the fucks I used to give about shit that doesn’t really matter purge from.
A broken heart demands attention and when you give it attention, take care of it, lovingly hold it without stemming the flow, it whispers its deepest desires to you.
True to form, Jess inspired me with her passing. I stepped back and took really good care of myself.
I came to the realisation that there’s no way I can escape my calling. I’m meant to be out here, owning it, sharing my particular brand of light with the people who are drawn to it. To be myself, to do what I love, to serve others – that’s her legacy.
Much love, always xoxo